There's a project I've been working on for quite some time. Actually, when I think about it, I've been working on it my entire adult life.
As far back as I can remember I have struggled with my weight. This struggle has become so familiar to me that it is deeply entrenched in my psyche. It affects the way I view the world and, consequently, the way the world views me. The outlook for my entire day is dependent completely upon how I feel about myself first thing in the morning. If I don't feel okay about myself, which I usually don't, then my attitude is not the best and I'm sure I'm not always a joy to be around.
Now, I'm sure you're saying to yourself that you also suffer from bouts of self-doubt. I'm sure there are many women out there who feel the same way. However, in the last couple years I have reached new lows in the self-esteem arena and it's gotten to the point where I am forced to do something about it.
What has happened in the last couple years, you ask? Well, a lot.
I got my first boyfriend, which at 28 I was forced to navigate new emotional situations that most people learn about in their teens. Having gotten through most of my twenties single, it was quite the adjustment to have someone in my life. Of course, it's nearly three years later and I wouldn't trade him for the world. That part of my life has all been worth it.
But I also got a promotion two years ago and was thrust into an entirely new realm of the company for which I work. My job is very stressful for 6 months out of the year and the rest of the year it's only moderately so. However, that stress has all taken its toll on me for sure.
When I changed jobs, I also went from being on my feet all day and walking around a lot to sitting on my butt for the duration of my workday. Also, around that same time I fell and hurt my knee pretty badly, preventing me from working out even if I had had the time.
So, what does that all add up to? Well, without divulging exact numbers, it equals approximately 70 additional pounds on my body that has crept on over the last 32 months. That's about 2.2 pounds gained per month...when you put it that way, it doesn't sound THAT bad. But, trust me, you wouldn't want all this hanging around. I'm about 5'11" so I can hide some of it, but the muffin top doesn't lie. It's gotten pretty bad.
Those 70 pounds came as a result of some major emotional eating. The new relationship, the new job, and the abrupt decrease in activity all came together to form the perfect storm for the pounds to pack on. Some people drink or do drugs to cope with stressful situations, but I've never had a taste for either of those. Nope, when things go south, I eat. And knit. (But not at the same time, because no one wants crumbs in their scarf.)
So, what does all this mean for my future? It means I've got some major renovations to do. I've probably lost and gained several hundred pounds in my lifetime. But what I've come to realize in the last few months is that the older I get, the harder it is to lose it. Gone are the days when I could place ridiculous expectations on myself and actually attain those goals. (Lose 50 pounds in a month? No problem!) I've come to realize that these days this is going to have to be a slow, methodical process.
So, in stark contrast to how I normally internalize everything, I'm choosing to say out loud that I am committing myself to losing 115 pounds over the course of the next 2 years. What?! 115 pounds? Yes, you heard me correctly. 115 pounds. Gone. History. Never to be seen on this ass again.
I know for a fact that this won't be easy, but I'm ready. You hear that? I'M SO READY.
This will more than likely mean that I'll have to cut back on my knitting time. (Although I have read that knitting burns about 100 calories per hour, that's just not going to cut it.) It's back to working out for me. It will hurt and it will completely suck for the first few days, but once I get through that, it will get a little better each day.
What does all this mean for you? It means that in addition to hearing about my knitting adventures, you'll also get updated on my progress. Lucky you!
Now, on to our regularly scheduled programming...
Speaking of long-term projects, take a look at this gem. It's the Simple Shawl from a few weeks back, but it's definitely grown quite a bit since then.
I'm still in love with the colors, but knitting a large shawl with sock yarn is driving me a bit batty. However, the end is in sight! I am nearly to the end of the second skein of Misti Sock and I'm going to assess the situation then. I'm thinking it's going to grow a helluva lot when I block it, so it just may be big enough. But, if not, I've always got that partial third skein just in case.